The best way to overcome a destructive habit that one enjoys, is to learn to hate it. And replace it with a healthier more constructive one.
(Obvious to everyone except me... until now... hopefully).
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Monday, April 14, 2008
On Charm & Charisma
Yeah I have none, I can deal. But occasionally I meet someone that pulls me into their orbit really strongly (I'm talking in a non-sexual way btw) invariably because of their charm, aura, whatever. Generally these people are way cooler than me, more careless with their treatment of people (because they can? can they?) They indulge me for a while before growing bored and moving on. I see the trend, and sometimes I can avoid being sucked in by that gravitational pull. But when I cant back away in time, my misguided belief that people are essentially decent ebbs slightly lower yet again.
Wednesday, April 09, 2008
Stupid EMO thoughts
A lot of people use the cliche that they feel like they are driving down a one way road the wrong way. I'm slightly different I guess - I'm driving in the right direction, only my car is the wrong way round. I can't see where I am headed - instead all I have is nostalgia, the past and all it entails disappearing over the horizon and me lamenting this. It is seriously fucking time to get my act together. I have so many new opportunities to turn this car around so to speak and I am squandering them on thoughts of things that have been or never will be. At least I'm painfully conscious of it, but trying to look to the future and live in the now is a harder habit to develop than I would of staked. So its the grind against the natural course of entropy of new self-commitment yet once again. Do I have the stamina to push it my way for once? Betting men disagree, but its not like I really have a choice...
Thursday, April 03, 2008
Have PC, will blog
1. London is way to hectic for someone just coming out of a sleepy sabbatical of sorts. The job is going well. I have a good boss, which makes a difference, but getting life done after work is taking its toll on me. At least things stay open until 8/9pm generally here for all the time-deprived people like me to get things done.
2. I miss talking arb shit to people. Actually there are 6 people in the world I can do this with. 4 of them live in SA, 1 in London, 1 in LA. I thought there was a 7th, but he is bored of my weirdness lol. I miss those 4 in SA dearly - thank goodness for that one in London, my pocket lesbian - she lives the other side of town from me, but we work 2 kilometres away.
3. My roommates and I are hosting a dinner party tomorrow evening - due to my limited cooking skills, I get tasked with making salad, lol. I can deal hehe. But I've never really hosted dinner parties or any shit like that in SA - I used to treat friends by eating out. More new things to experience :P
4. More SA/UK double standards from ugly ex-Saffas:
Him: More power cuts in SA I hear. That country is useless
Me: I can't believe that fuckup at Terminal 5 at Heathrow.
I find the most effective way of dealing with anti-SA sentiment is to shove some UK disaster in their face - and there is plenty to go around...
5. I miss my car and driving and will need to buy one here I think. VW have a Polo here that is more green than a Toyota Prius - The Polo blue-motion. That appeals.
6. Sleep. Now.
2. I miss talking arb shit to people. Actually there are 6 people in the world I can do this with. 4 of them live in SA, 1 in London, 1 in LA. I thought there was a 7th, but he is bored of my weirdness lol. I miss those 4 in SA dearly - thank goodness for that one in London, my pocket lesbian - she lives the other side of town from me, but we work 2 kilometres away.
3. My roommates and I are hosting a dinner party tomorrow evening - due to my limited cooking skills, I get tasked with making salad, lol. I can deal hehe. But I've never really hosted dinner parties or any shit like that in SA - I used to treat friends by eating out. More new things to experience :P
4. More SA/UK double standards from ugly ex-Saffas:
Him: More power cuts in SA I hear. That country is useless
Me: I can't believe that fuckup at Terminal 5 at Heathrow.
I find the most effective way of dealing with anti-SA sentiment is to shove some UK disaster in their face - and there is plenty to go around...
5. I miss my car and driving and will need to buy one here I think. VW have a Polo here that is more green than a Toyota Prius - The Polo blue-motion. That appeals.
6. Sleep. Now.
Sunday, March 23, 2008
I'm not dead, just floating...
1. Actually I'm not floating either as that would that would be too time consuming as well. It just happens that that Pink song was on my ipod earlier and is stuck in my head. Things here are hectic and a lack of a PC has made regular posting kinda difficult. But my new home PC arrives 3 April and regular transmission will recommence then :P
2. I am back from Scotland now and whacked week one of my job and finally moved in my flat and am starting to get to know my roommates - one dutchman, an irishman and me (a south african) - sounds like a start to a joke - walk into bar etc. So far so good...
3. Its cold, but I discovered I can do cold thanks to my KWAY longjohns, lol. I will need to buy more methinks...
4. When I left SA, I decided I was going to be a good ambassador for this country. Its hard work, especially when the biggest detractors I am defending SA to are generally South African. The ugly ex-South African is even uglier outside SA, I'm afraid to report. They see everything SA-related through negative-tinted glasses - When Northern Rock went bust (and the bank of england nationalised it to save it - a major botch up of note), they seem non-plussed - but these are the same people that cried out SA was in a financial meltdown a few years ago when Saambou went into curatorship (which the SA Reserve bank handled much better). The double standard in response is sickening to say the least. Rant over...
5. I always was one who remembered people's faces and names. I have met so many people over these last few weeks that I am embarrassed to say I have forgotten a lot of names, faces and introductory backstories that accompany them. Its either the volume or my age that has made me shoddy - either way, I dont like it - I always prided myself on remembering everything people tell me no matter how irrelevant to my life they are.
6. I think I will go to Portugal next! and come April 3rd I will be all over your blogs :P
2. I am back from Scotland now and whacked week one of my job and finally moved in my flat and am starting to get to know my roommates - one dutchman, an irishman and me (a south african) - sounds like a start to a joke - walk into bar etc. So far so good...
3. Its cold, but I discovered I can do cold thanks to my KWAY longjohns, lol. I will need to buy more methinks...
4. When I left SA, I decided I was going to be a good ambassador for this country. Its hard work, especially when the biggest detractors I am defending SA to are generally South African. The ugly ex-South African is even uglier outside SA, I'm afraid to report. They see everything SA-related through negative-tinted glasses - When Northern Rock went bust (and the bank of england nationalised it to save it - a major botch up of note), they seem non-plussed - but these are the same people that cried out SA was in a financial meltdown a few years ago when Saambou went into curatorship (which the SA Reserve bank handled much better). The double standard in response is sickening to say the least. Rant over...
5. I always was one who remembered people's faces and names. I have met so many people over these last few weeks that I am embarrassed to say I have forgotten a lot of names, faces and introductory backstories that accompany them. Its either the volume or my age that has made me shoddy - either way, I dont like it - I always prided myself on remembering everything people tell me no matter how irrelevant to my life they are.
6. I think I will go to Portugal next! and come April 3rd I will be all over your blogs :P
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
London II
1. Got a job, yay. My agent was going through the benefits and I blurted out "I accept" when she mentioned the 28 days leave plus public holidays (bank holidays in UK-speak). Company is French, so I might wanna learn to say more than "parlez vous anglais?"
2. I wanted to start on Monday but they told me 17th March, so now I can go travelling. I wanted to go to Italy but I think I should leave it for warmer times, (even though London is blue skies, global warming doesn't gaurantee anything anywhere anymore) so its off to Scotland for me!
3. I was almost mugged on Friday night. 2 dudes in balaklavas started following me on my walk home (it was about 1am), so I crossed the road only to be followed. So I crossed back where they tried to corner me. I took a chance and made a run for it, and as they hadn't made any ground on me by the time I reached the main road, they gave up the chase. I think it was funny to be able to get away so easy but the truth is I would never pull a stunt like that in SA - I guess thats the difference between guns & knifes.
3. Otherwise I have been shopping a lot as I consistently feel underdressed to those financial type folks in the city, looking for a place to live, reading lots, visiting friends and meeting so many new people. And of course sitting in parks, trying to deal with a lots of thoughts I should just consign to past worlds and move on - if only it were that simple. Any tips on how to sever unwanted baggage?
2. I wanted to start on Monday but they told me 17th March, so now I can go travelling. I wanted to go to Italy but I think I should leave it for warmer times, (even though London is blue skies, global warming doesn't gaurantee anything anywhere anymore) so its off to Scotland for me!
3. I was almost mugged on Friday night. 2 dudes in balaklavas started following me on my walk home (it was about 1am), so I crossed the road only to be followed. So I crossed back where they tried to corner me. I took a chance and made a run for it, and as they hadn't made any ground on me by the time I reached the main road, they gave up the chase. I think it was funny to be able to get away so easy but the truth is I would never pull a stunt like that in SA - I guess thats the difference between guns & knifes.
3. Otherwise I have been shopping a lot as I consistently feel underdressed to those financial type folks in the city, looking for a place to live, reading lots, visiting friends and meeting so many new people. And of course sitting in parks, trying to deal with a lots of thoughts I should just consign to past worlds and move on - if only it were that simple. Any tips on how to sever unwanted baggage?
Monday, February 18, 2008
A Sunday in Hampstead
Pointing out the buildings of who stays/stayed where (Boy George here, Keats there, Elizabeth Taylor behind that, 2 of the evil spice girls on top of that...), the tour guide illuminated hidden cobbled back alleys on this (expensive) village within a city on a hill with a massive heath running through it. We were bounced about between modern, Victorian and Georgian London, harshly reminding the naive and niggling the realistic of their visions of London-living, that is in fact possible, but out of reach to the lower and middle classes. For the attainable reality, we merely had to look at each other - Samuel from Holland, Justin from Cape Town, Michel from France etc. as we scoffed down gourmet crepes from a stand on the main road after the tour ended, as a reminder of why this place, not home (not yet at least) has sucked us in from all over the globe.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
London
Okay, I'm in London now - please accept that as my useless excuse for not blogging this time - in the meantime, I will think up new creative excuses:P
I've been here 2 weeks now and living in limbo as I do the job interview thing and wade my way through the evil maze of british beauracracy to get a bank account, national insurance regisatration etc. On the plus side, my mind has plenty time to wander, and I will blog some of those thoughts. Otherwise London is so far going more-or-less as I expected it would be - cold weather (but mercifully no rain has made it quite pleasant actually, as I was budgeting on next seeing the sun in May...), meeting up with friends (and finding out the ones that I thought I would be seeing a lot of, aren't really interested, but having other people I never considered beforehand, to be really amazing to me - I guess thats always the story...).
I can't really travel at the moment because I need to interview on short notice, so I really need to be here! Thus a planned trip to Greece got nixed and I doubt I will be able to go to Poland next month either. I am at the serious stage of interviewing with 2 companies at the moment and hopefully one will materialise into an offer - thats not bad going after 2 weeks, but it really is a slap of ice cold water in the face compared to what I knew of in SA where I could interview with a company and have an offer in writing the next day - here I have no idea who my competition are (in SA, there generally was none and in the slight chance I wasn't the only candidate, I probably knew who the other candidates were and knew how to devise a strategy to come out best - i'm in the dark here) and the interviewing process is very rigorous - my 2nd interview with a company was 4 hours long.
My other problem is I can't 'read' english people - they have zero emotion and even less body languague on offer to try gaugue anything. If this was an episode of Star Trek, the alien race are using emotion scrambler devices on me so I cant decipher their thoughts and feelings. It could just be that Saffers are just more demonstrative...
I guess all hinges on getting a job - then I can travel, get a real place, get a home PC, a mobile, buy stuff in pounds and not obsess over the fact that a Marks & Spencer's salmon sandwich just cost me R50 etc.
Hmmm, this post sounds real bla, but really it just reflects my tentative situation. I don't like these open ends - maybe I am a control freak afterall, lol. I knows its temporary and should resolve itself pretty soon, but I feel like I am waiting at the starting line of a race, and the linesman forgot where he put the starting gun. Damn you starting-linesman-without-gun man!
Anyways I shall check out what I missed in blog-land real soon, its just my internet time is fairly limited these days. Hope you are all well :)
I've been here 2 weeks now and living in limbo as I do the job interview thing and wade my way through the evil maze of british beauracracy to get a bank account, national insurance regisatration etc. On the plus side, my mind has plenty time to wander, and I will blog some of those thoughts. Otherwise London is so far going more-or-less as I expected it would be - cold weather (but mercifully no rain has made it quite pleasant actually, as I was budgeting on next seeing the sun in May...), meeting up with friends (and finding out the ones that I thought I would be seeing a lot of, aren't really interested, but having other people I never considered beforehand, to be really amazing to me - I guess thats always the story...).
I can't really travel at the moment because I need to interview on short notice, so I really need to be here! Thus a planned trip to Greece got nixed and I doubt I will be able to go to Poland next month either. I am at the serious stage of interviewing with 2 companies at the moment and hopefully one will materialise into an offer - thats not bad going after 2 weeks, but it really is a slap of ice cold water in the face compared to what I knew of in SA where I could interview with a company and have an offer in writing the next day - here I have no idea who my competition are (in SA, there generally was none and in the slight chance I wasn't the only candidate, I probably knew who the other candidates were and knew how to devise a strategy to come out best - i'm in the dark here) and the interviewing process is very rigorous - my 2nd interview with a company was 4 hours long.
My other problem is I can't 'read' english people - they have zero emotion and even less body languague on offer to try gaugue anything. If this was an episode of Star Trek, the alien race are using emotion scrambler devices on me so I cant decipher their thoughts and feelings. It could just be that Saffers are just more demonstrative...
I guess all hinges on getting a job - then I can travel, get a real place, get a home PC, a mobile, buy stuff in pounds and not obsess over the fact that a Marks & Spencer's salmon sandwich just cost me R50 etc.
Hmmm, this post sounds real bla, but really it just reflects my tentative situation. I don't like these open ends - maybe I am a control freak afterall, lol. I knows its temporary and should resolve itself pretty soon, but I feel like I am waiting at the starting line of a race, and the linesman forgot where he put the starting gun. Damn you starting-linesman-without-gun man!
Anyways I shall check out what I missed in blog-land real soon, its just my internet time is fairly limited these days. Hope you are all well :)
Friday, November 23, 2007
Weeeeeeeeee!
Good idea: Gym
Bad idea: Gym at 11 pm at night.
I am hyped now. What to do, what to do? Oh well, at least when emo strangers on-line tell me they want to kill themselves, the endorphins flowing through my blood will make me try to be sympathetic and helpful rather than commenting "maybe its for the best?" (Just kidding, I 'd never say that - or would I? muhahahaha...)
Ok, time to play pseudo-counsellor. Laters!
P.S. I am training myself into blogging again, even if its arb shit like this... baby steps...
Bad idea: Gym at 11 pm at night.
I am hyped now. What to do, what to do? Oh well, at least when emo strangers on-line tell me they want to kill themselves, the endorphins flowing through my blood will make me try to be sympathetic and helpful rather than commenting "maybe its for the best?" (Just kidding, I 'd never say that - or would I? muhahahaha...)
Ok, time to play pseudo-counsellor. Laters!
P.S. I am training myself into blogging again, even if its arb shit like this... baby steps...
Thursday, November 22, 2007
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